Generally, I’m pretty pro-online dating. I’ve kind of talked ad nauseum about it, actually. But every once in a while, something happens that reminds me why I hate it sometimes. Every once in a while, I get an offensive message that really pisses me off:
Subject: almost unscrewable
By the look of your photo, you are about ten ham sandwhiches [sic] away from marrying the pizza guy.
When I read this, I was shocked. Schocked. Not only was I insulted by the spelling, but two other things crossed my mind:
- OMG HOW DID HE KNOW I LIKE HAM SANDWICHES SO MUCH?
- Why would I marry the pizza guy if I like ham sandwiches? Wait, does the pizza guy have connections or something? WHAT ARE YOU NOT TELLING ME?! GIVE ME SANWICHESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Then I thought about it some more, and I realized—our pizza guy is, like, sixteen. Now not only am I a ham sandwhich addict (WTF is a “sandwhich”, anyway? Like, it’s sand… which… does…. what, exactly? Or is it a sandwich with an H for herbs? I’m confused.), but I’m into underage, pimply-faced, scrawny boys who wear Quicksilver gear? How dare he make such offensive, slanderous satements! How dare he.
Needless to say, I reported the message to the authorities for “offensive content and atrocious spelling”.
(But seriously, why do people feel the need to send me unsolicited hatemail? Did I come to your house and shit on your lawn? Then I ask you: WTF, man?)
Yeah, but notice he said “almost.” So, basically, despite everything he said, he would still screw you.
Seriously, though… isn’t that what happens with the free sites? You gotta deal with the riff-raff?